Recently, I came across a situation where I felt the need to have the answer. Unfortunately, I knew I didn’t have one. I believe we all, in some way or another, feel pressured to always have, not only an answer, but the right one. As a parent, I feel immense pressure to lead and guide my children. That often comes with heavy questions. Questions I don’t always have an answer for, much less the right one. So, what do we do when we don’t have the answer? That’s the purpose of this blog today. To give you some practical guidelines because let’s face it….no one knows it all!
"I don't know."
For many of us, those three words feel almost impossible to say, depending on the situation. Somewhere along the way, we started believing that not knowing the answer means we aren’t qualified enough, experienced enough, or intelligent enough. We self-sabotage when we don’t know things, and we begin to associate uncertainty with weakness and shame. And worst of all, we start to assume everyone around us expects us to have every answer all the time.
The truth?
No one knows everything. Not mom, not dad. Not your professors or your boss. Inside a law firm, your managing attorney falls into this category, as well. Your office manager doesn’t know it all. Neither does the intake director. That consultant you’re working with, yeah, they don’t have all the answers either. Even the people who have been doing legal work for decades. NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
The legal industry is changing constantly. Technology evolves daily (Have you seen the newest AI tool to hit the market?) New software appears overnight. Laws change. Processes improve. Client expectations shift. There is simply too much information for one person to know it all. However, many of us continue to carry around the impossible expectation that we SHOULD. A mentor of mine has been known to say, “Nothing good happens when you should on yourself!” And I couldn’t help but echo his sentiments!
Ironically, the greatest damage is never really caused by saying, "I don't know." It is caused when you or someone else pretends that you do. The issue now becomes less about the actual knowledge and more about being a credible source. When we guess, we make assumptions. We do this when we confidently give an answer we are unsure about. Doing so creates confusion and costly mistakes, thus losing that credibility we desperately want to have. If we are honest with ourselves, people don’t really expect perfection. They do, however, expect honesty. Honest communication (even when the answer is "I don't know") communicates integrity.
Some of the strongest leaders you'll ever meet are incredibly comfortable admitting what they don't know. I would even go so far as to say that if you have never heard your leader, mentor, or boss say those three words… they might be really good at pretending. A confident leader knows it’s not about having all the answers. Leading well comes from trusting yourself to find them.
There's a big difference between saying:
"I don't know." And "I don't know yet."
That single word (yet) changes everything. The first sounds like a dead end. But the second sounds like a commitment with a plan. The plan is to find out that answer and then close the unknown loop.
Anyone can say "I don't know" and leave it at that. But the professionals people actually trust? They're the ones who follow through. When you commit to finding an answer, people are quietly evaluating your reliability — whether they tell you that or not.
The answer itself matters. Sure. But your follow-through? That matters even more. In fact, I'd argue it matters most. Because following through is where words become actions, and actions build trust.
Over time, people begin to think, "If they don't know, they'll find out." That's a reputation worth having, and it doesn't happen overnight. It's built one closed loop at a time. This is the moment a client stops wondering if they matter to you and starts knowing that they do. They feel taken care of. They feel like a priority. And that feeling? That's what keeps them coming back.
The next time you're asked something you can't answer, resist the urge to guess or give a confident answer you are really unsure about just to save face. Instead, try one of these responses:
Notice the pattern. Each response does two things:
If you're a leader, your response to someone else's uncertainty is of the utmost importance. We have heard countless employees fear looking "stupid." And what do they do? They stop asking questions. When they stop asking questions, they start making assumptions. And we know the cycle…assumptions become mistakes.
Instead, we need to normalize curiosity. We should be celebrating people who ask for clarification. That’s a sure indication they want to “get it right!” But…if you aren’t approachable, they never will. Be sure to thank the team or privately call attention to members who verify instead of guessing. By doing this, you are creating an environment where learning is valued more than pretending. It’s important to remember organizations don’t grow by hiring people who know everything (those people don’t really exist). They grow by developing people who are willing to learn and who aren’t afraid to ask when they are unsure.
There is only shame in refusing to learn. Typically, the smartest person in the room isn’t the one with all the answers (again…no one has all the answers!) It’s the one humble enough to admit when they don’t know. It’s the team member who is disciplined enough to go find the answer. And it’s the one who is dependable enough to complete the follow-through. Those are the types of people I want sitting around my table. The next time you're tempted to fake your way through a question, remember this: "I don't know" isn't the end of the conversation. It's the beginning of finding the right answer. And that may be one of the most powerful things you can say.
