Leadership Lessons from Parenting: Tailoring Your Approach for Individual Growth
Becoming a leader is something many of us stumble into. Sure, some people are natural-born leaders, while others study and prepare for leadership roles. But what if your leadership journey starts with zero experience and no formal training? That’s exactly where I found myself almost 14 years ago. I took on one of the most important roles of my life with enthusiasm, but no real idea what I was doing. There was no manual, no instruction book—just trial and error, day in and day out.
What leadership role am I talking about? Parenting! For nearly 14 years, I’ve been leading my little ones, learning more leadership skills than I ever imagined. And if I’m being honest, there have been moments where I wondered if I truly signed up for this kind of challenge. But, as with most leadership roles, on-the-job training has shaped me, and I’ve picked up valuable insights along the way.
In this blog, I’m excited to share some of those insights—because whether you’re managing a family or a team, many of the lessons learned as a parent can help you become a better leader in all areas of life.
No Two Children are Alike—No Two Team Members are Either
I have two daughters. They are 22 months apart in age, and while they are full-blooded siblings, they could not be more different. One marches to the beat of her own drum and thrives in the spotlight, while the other tends to hold her emotions close and would prefer to fly way, way, way under the radar—or maybe never even get picked up on the radar at all. They have different styles, personalities, and perspectives on the world. All good things, right? Yes! BUT… their differences make a parenting strategy that much more interesting.
My girls are both strong, motivated individuals. What motivates them, though, is very different. I distinctly remember an instance where I was disciplining my oldest daughter. I didn’t raise my voice at all. I made eye contact with her and, using an even tone of voice, made the correction and went on with whatever I was doing. She immediately got the hint, tears welled up in her eyes, and she quickly apologized. It worked! Surely that would work with my younger daughter, as well? Boy, was I wrong! I could use a megaphone and stand on my head to discipline my other daughter, only to be met with talking back and defiance. She refused to accept the correction and believed she played no part in the disobedience.
Clearly, I was going to have to change my approach if I wanted to reach daughter number two!
Even after 14 years with daughter No. 1 and 12 years with daughter No. 2, I am still learning what works and what doesn’t when it comes to disciplining and connecting with them. There is not a one-size-fits-all method to which every child will respond.
If I had to guess, your firm, too, like my daughters, is made up of uniquely different team members. These team members have roles and responsibilities that contribute to the overall success of your firm, but they also have distinct personalities and interests apart from those responsibilities. Just like with my daughters, a cookie-cutter approach to leadership won’t work. Some team members may respond to clear directives and a gentle nudge, while others may need a completely different approach to feel motivated or aligned with your firm vision.
While we collectively function as a family unit, it’s important to remember that we are all different. Similarly, in the workplace, recognizing these differences is key. By adapting our approach and embracing individuality, we can foster a sense of community and unity that allows everyone to thrive—whether at home or in the office.
Understanding the Individual Fosters Trust & Genuine Connection
It might not be the most popular opinion, but I believe that to be a truly effective leader, you need to genuinely like the people you are leading. That doesn’t mean you always like their behavior or work product. I love my children deeply, but there are certainly moments when I don’t like their behavior—and that’s normal. Just as there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, the same goes for leadership. Each person is unique, with different motivations and interests, and understanding these differences is crucial.
In my experience, the more I try to truly "get to know" my children, the easier parenting them individually becomes. And how do you get to know someone? It boils down to three simple things: talking, listening, and spending time with them. These basic actions foster genuine connection. In my home, we prioritize asking questions to encourage meaningful conversations, and I’ve watched my children become better communicators as a result. While I don’t struggle with talking, listening is more of a challenge for me, though my husband excels in this area. Together, we do our best to take a genuine interest in what our children share, whether it’s something they enjoy or dislike. This intentional effort builds trust and creates a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their fears, concerns, and emotions. When my oldest daughter was my only child, we read A LOT of books with and to her. I believe because we were intentional about reading with her, she grew to really love books. It’s been so fun to watch her get into the books she reads and then share her thoughts with us about what she is reading. She recently had to read an autobiography for school, and she chose one written by a popular country music artist’s wife. She loved every second of reading the book and expressed an interest in going to see the artist in concert. We obliged, and my evening with her will go down as one of my favorite memories simply because we were able to connect over something she truly had an interest in!
As a leader, are you making that same effort to get to know your team members? Not just for what they contribute to the organization, but because you’re genuinely interested in them as individuals. When you take the time to understand what motivates them, you build trust and foster a deeper connection. This, in turn, leads to better performance, increased team morale, and a more authentic workplace culture. Simple tools like a “getting to know you” document can serve as a great starting point for meaningful conversations.
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We have also seen firms set aside time for department socials or team-building outings to further deepen authentic connections outside an office setting. Trust and connection are at the heart of leadership, and they begin with taking a genuine interest in the people around you. It’s important to remember that building these genuine connections DOES NOT HAPPEN overnight. It takes time and intentional effort to invest in your team.
Patience IS A VIRTUE
We don’t need statistics to prove that all children grow and mature at different rates—it’s something we can see just by watching them. They learn and develop at their own pace, and as parents, we must practice patience to guide them effectively. My middle child, who loves the spotlight, is a perfect example of this. She challenges me daily with her spirited nature, which is so different (in a good way) from my oldest. One day in second grade, she brought home a worksheet to practice telling time on an analog clock—the kind with hands! The sheet had nine clocks, and she was supposed to write the time shown. After just three minutes, she excitedly announced she was done. I thought, “Wow, she’s either a speed queen or a genius.” When I checked her work, she had correctly answered the first three clocks but left the other six blank. I called her back and said, “Hey, you need to finish the rest of these before you go play.” Her response floored me: “Nah, I don’t need to do more clocks. I already know how to tell time.”
My first instinct was to raise my voice and demand she finish the worksheet, but instead, I chose patience. I took a moment to understand her perspective—she was confident in her ability and felt further practice wasn’t necessary. She wasn’t wrong, but neither was I in wanting her to complete the assignment. In the end, I let her turn in the incomplete worksheet and discuss her reasoning with the teacher. It became a lesson for both of us. Patience allowed me to guide her with compassion, and we both walked away with a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other.
In the workplace, patience is just as crucial. Each team member brings different skills, experiences, and learning styles. Some thrive in one-on-one meetings, while others learn best in groups or through visual aids. By practicing patience, leaders create an environment where everyone feels valued and supported, leading to better collaboration, problem-solving, and long-term success. Patience might mean taking a breath before reacting, sending an email to ask for time to think, or exploring all sides of an issue before proposing a solution. Whatever form it takes, patience is an essential tool in leadership that must be exercised often.
Lead by Example
In both parenting and leadership, adaptability and leading by example are essential. Our children, like our team members, learn more from our actions than our words. As parents, we constantly adjust to our children’s unique needs and personalities, and we should do the same for our teams in the workplace. The lessons I’ve gleaned from parenting—understanding that no two children are alike, recognizing individuality, and practicing patience—are invaluable in leadership. I challenge you to reflect on how well you truly know your team, both at work and at home. Are you taking the time to understand them as individuals beyond their contributions to your organization? Are you leading by example, demonstrating patience, empathy, and resilience? The most effective leaders understand growth starts within, and by leading with intention and adaptability, you inspire those around you to do the same. What leadership lessons can you share with your team from your own personal life experiences? I bet you have some of your own! Sharing them might set off that genuine connection you need to lead more effectively.