Have more of them. That’s right. If you want to get better at having tough conversations, practice makes perfect (or as close to perfect as you can actually get in regards to human interactions). I know they’re uncomfortable. My advice? Force yourself to be uncomfortable more often. The more times we’re willing to engage in a candid conversation, the more we’ll learn. Magic rarely happens inside our comfort zones. In fact, I’ve even heard it said that success is measured by your willingness to have uncomfortable conversations.

Be clear about the purpose of your conversation before it begins. If you need to talk to a team member whose productivity has taken a sharp decline, take some time before the conversation begins to clearly identify the purpose of your conversation. Are you seeking information? Are you providing a warning? Are you providing additional training? Are you trying to motivate? Once you identify the purpose of the conversation, you’ll be better able to stay on track when it takes place.

Outline the conversation before you have it. Develop a loose agenda for the talk. Don’t feel tied to it, but use it to guide the conversation so that you don’t miss the important elements. This preparedness tip can really help young leaders learn to stay focused and on task during candid conversations. Remember, these conversations can easily get overly emotional and take weird turns. If you don’t set some parameters for yourself, you’ll find that you often leave these conversations wondering what you were actually able to convey to your audience.

Be open and be vulnerable. If you’re in a position of leadership and are having a conversation with a team member, I can assure you that they are feeling a myriad of emotions, including worry, discomfort, stress, anxiety, and concern. It’s important for you to honor their journey by being open as well. By being vulnerable, we show our team that there is strength in it. We show them that everyone, including leaders, struggle. That sends a powerful message. That also creates a safe space for your team and encourages candor and honesty. There is great power when your team feels comfortable talking to you.

It can be awkward. Let that happen. Yes, candid conversations can feel very awkward. That’s okay. Don’t run from that feeling and don’t allow a sense of awkwardness to redirect you away from important subject matters. Being uncomfortable during these conversations is normal and, I would argue, totally necessary. The more comfortable you can become with being uncomfortable, the more you’ll strengthen your leadership skills.

Don’t just dip a toe. Dive right in. Look, once you’ve made the decision to have a candid conversation and put in the prep work required, you can’t hesitate when the time comes. You really have to dive in and have the conversation. Dancing around what needs to be said doesn’t work. Nor does skirting the real issue. You know why you wanted to have the conversation, you know the purpose of the conversation, now you really just need to be willing to have it.

There are two at least two people involved in a conversation. Remember that. You’re sitting across from another human being, one who may have a completely different perspective from you. Their life experiences have shaped them in ways that may drastically differ from your own. Consider their perspective. Hear them out. Be understanding of the differences in opinion they may possess.

Assume the best of people. It’s entirely human for your mind to jump to the worst-case scenario when someone isn’t saying or doing what you expect. Fight that urge. Work and home life is so much more pleasant if the default assumption is that people are doing their best, trying their best, and have the best intentions. If we come from a place of good rather than assuming the worst, we can tame emotions and better understand someone’s position.

Never say never! You know how when you fight with your significant other, and they say, “You always….” or “you never…” and how that’s almost as bad as someone telling you to calm down? Yeah, don’t do that. When you make sweeping accusations and use hyperbolic language, tensions run high. You want to address behavior or issues as they stand, not create an always or never monster that becomes the focus of the conversation.

Don’t keep score. Candid conversations aren’t a zero sum game, and no one wins when your team feels you’re out for the “gotcha”! You can hear someone out, understand their position, and then calmly advocate your side of something. There is almost always some mutual ground where you are both right. Come back to this mutual ground if things get sideways.