I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take too much of your time. I just wanted to offer my opinions on the effects of using diminishing language. While I’m certainly no expert on the topic, I think words have a huge impact on business communication. I hope this makes sense!
Record scratch.
Incredulous stares.
I likely just lost more than half of the people who came to this blog expecting thought leadership, didn’t I? Let’s try that intro again:
You minimize your own worth at work when you resort to language that comes off as passive or weak. Full stop.
Have you ever paused in the midst of your workday, fingers hovering over the keyboard, wrestling with the right words to use in an email? Or perhaps you’ve sat in a meeting, insightful thoughts swirling in your mind, yet hesitating to voice them for fear of being perceived as too assertive or domineering? If so, you’re not alone. Particularly for women navigating the professional landscape, striking that delicate balance between asserting oneself and avoiding labels such as ‘bossy’ or ‘aggressive’ can often feel like tightrope walking.
In fact, this dance of diplomacy and self-expression has become such a common feature of our professional lives that it’s almost taken for granted. It’s seen as an intricate part of the corporate game, a skill to be mastered rather than a dilemma to be solved. And while there’s no denying the importance of tact and diplomacy, one has to wonder – at what point does this careful self-editing start to erode our authentic voice?
This constant self-monitoring is not just emotionally draining; it can also impact your career progression. When we continually shrink our words or dilute our delivery, we inadvertently project a lack of confidence, which can hamper our professional growth. So, if you’re tired of second-guessing every word and skirting around issues, it’s time for a change.
Here’s the good news: You don’t need a complete communication overhaul. Small, incremental changes can make a significant difference. In the following sections, we’ll explore practical tweaks you can implement today to strengthen your communication, reclaim your voice, and ultimately, propel your career forward. Let’s dive in!
It may seem unconventional, but consider this: What if you could expunge the phrase “I’m sorry” from your daily dialogue? This doesn’t imply that you absolve yourself from accountability when it’s called for. Instead, it’s about refraining from unnecessary apologies for situations that don’t warrant contrition. This is a principle I’ve adopted wholeheartedly in my professional interactions.
Rather than saying, “I’m sorry for the late response,” I’ve transitioned to expressing, “Thank you for your patience while I gathered the necessary information.” It’s a subtle shift, but one that transforms the narrative from apology to appreciation.
I often find people using, “I’m sorry” as a way to get into the conversation, further the discussion, or introduce an opposing viewpoint. It can feel like a polite way to get your voice in there, but the apology is unnecessary. If you’re at the table, you’re there for a reason. Shift your language from apologetic to confident by saying things like, “I’d love to offer a different perspective,” “I believe,” or “I’d like to add.” These phrases help you contribute your voice and perspective without sounding fearful of doing so.
Our intrinsic apologetic reflex often tries to surface in various situations. Picture this: you’re on a Zoom call and encounter technical difficulties with your audio or screen sharing function. Instead of defaulting to a profuse apology to fill an awkward pause, consider acknowledging the situation with a light-hearted remark like, “Ah, the joys of technology!” or, “Thanks for your patience while I troubleshoot this issue.” By adopting this approach, we not only preserve our self-confidence but also foster a more positive, assertive communication style. Moreover, it helps us ensure that when we do apologize, it carries weight and sincerity, rather than being a reflexive and devalued response.
Even when an apology is truly warranted, and you have done something wrong, “I’m sorry” doesn’t have to be the only default response. It’s gotten so watered down, it can feel insufficient. A stronger and more genuine apology is one that acknowledges your wrongdoing and communicates what will be done to resolve the issue. Something like, “I take full responsibility for that and appreciate the feedback. Here’s what I’m doing to address it…” communicates accountability and a desire to make it right. Asking, “What can I do to improve and ensure this does not happen again?” also allows you to take responsibility and show a desire for improvement.
In essence, it’s not about never saying, “I’m sorry.” Instead, it’s about understanding when an apology is truly warranted and when it’s simply a habitual response. So, let’s embark on this journey of unapologetic confidence together, one conversation at a time.
“Hey, I just wanted to check in on that report…”
“I’m just a case manager.”
“I just feel like we could approach this in a more strategic way.”
Sound familiar? The word “just” sneaks into our professional language like a thief in the night, stealthily devaluing our statements before we even realize it. It’s the linguistic equivalent of tiptoeing around a topic, apologizing for taking up space, or downplaying your expertise.
Why are we sugarcoating our words with “just“? Are we afraid of coming off too strong, too assertive, too… competent? It’s high time we give “just” the boot. After all, you’re not “just” asking for a report; you’re doing your job. You’re not “just” sharing an idea; you’re contributing to the team. You’re not “just” a case manager; you’re making a difference in the lives of your clients.
So, let’s put a stop to this diminutive discourse. Banish “just” from your vocabulary and watch as your words take on a newfound power. The next time you catch yourself starting a sentence with “I just think…” stop, rewind, and rephrase. Because you don’t “just” think, you know.
Now, let’s talk about a little something called self-worth. No, not the kind you find in self-help books or motivational podcasts, but the kind that shines through in every email you send, every presentation you deliver, and every meeting you lead.
How often do you find yourself downplaying your achievements, questioning your ideas, or second-guessing your decisions? If your answer is “too often,” then it’s time for some serious self-talk.
Start by acknowledging your worth. Recognize your expertise, your experience, and your unique perspective. Remember, you were hired for a reason. You bring something valuable to the table. So why hide it under a bushel of self-doubt?
Instead of saying, “I might be wrong, but…“, try “Based on my experience, I believe…“. Replace “I hope this makes sense” with “I look forward to your thoughts on my proposal.”
Too, think about your instinct to deflect compliments or underplay your achievements. How many times do you deflect a compliment by diminishing your involvement? When someone asks you what you do, are you able to own your own incredible journey and speak with pride about your accomplishments, or do you wiggle and squirm and downplay the incredible impact you had? I often see women struggle with confidently owning their achievements, opting instead for a passive approach. Did you deliver on a project, get a promotion, earn a degree, navigate a tough conversation, or help a client? Good for you! When someone compliments you on it, it’s entirely appropriate to say, “Thank you, I worked really hard for that.” When someone asks for your bio so they can introduce you, give them the undiminished version. When someone says, “Tell me a little about yourself,” have your elevator pitch about the amazing person who is you at the ready.
In other words, convey your worth with confidence. Speak with authority. Assert your ideas with conviction. And most importantly, believe in your capabilities. Because if you don’t, who will?
Language is power. Use it wisely.
It’s essential to understand the impact of your language in professional settings. The words you choose can either empower you or diminish your authority. Scrutinizing the language you use at work isn’t about being overly critical or feeding into the fear of sounding too assertive. It’s about asserting your expertise, dismissing unnecessary apologies, and eliminating passive language. When you make these shifts in your communication, not only do you provide a clearer image of your abilities, but you also contribute to a more respectful and effective work environment. It’s time to let go of the words that are holding you back and embrace language that reflects your capabilities and worth. Remember, you’re not ‘just’ anything – you’re a professional with valuable insights to share.
