That Dude Gets Paid More Than Me?!?!: Why Pay Equity Matters

Every year on September 18th, International Equal Pay Day is celebrated as a reminder of the continued gender pay gap that exists worldwide in the workforce. While progress has been made in recent years, women still earn, on average, only 81 cents for every dollar earned by their male counterparts (less for women of color). As leaders in our organizations and in the legal industry, it’s our responsibility to take action to create pay equity. In this blog, we’ll explore what pay equity is, why it matters, and what to do if you find your firm falling short.

What is pay equity?

Pay equity refers to the principle that all team members should receive equal pay for equal work, regardless of their gender, race, ethnicity, or other personal characteristics. I’ve spoken with firm leaders who hear this and think it means that every paralegal should make the exact same amount. Of course, there is room for nuance, and that’s where pay ranges come in. A pay range allows you some flexibility to account for differences in things like education level, years of experience, and stellar performance reviews. Pay equity does not mean every person in the same job receives the exact same pay. Pay equity does mean that those doing the same job or jobs requiring similar skills all fall into the range set for that position. When we create pay equity in our organizations, we are ensuring that all employees are treated fairly and with respect.

Why does pay equity matter?

Creating pay equity in your firm is not only the right thing to do, it’s also good for business. When we pay all employees fairly, we increase employee morale and engagement, boost productivity, and decrease turnover. Additionally, organizations that prioritize diversity, equity, and inclusion are more likely to both attract and retain top talent. By creating a workplace where everyone is valued and treated fairly, we also contribute to a more just and equitable society.

The employment landscape has been the wild, wild west since COVID-19 began. It’s still considered an employee market, and younger generations have shed the fear and secrecy surrounding discussions of pay. Your team members are likely much more comfortable openly discussing their pay and actively seek organizations with pay equity. Employment laws protect them in having these open discussions. That’s right: It’s both perfectly legal and healthy for your team members to discuss their pay. Your team members are talking, and you’d be wise to create a culture of pay transparency if you want to continue to attract and retain the best people.

As a leader of people, there have been times in my career where I’ve had access to payroll and seen firsthand how a well-meaning organization can end up with serious and disheartening pay disparities. It happens innocently enough. We ask candidates about their past salary history and base their current pay on that, leaving women and people of color in an impossibly deep hole and inheriting the inequities they’ve likely experienced throughout their careers. That’s why it’s critical to pay by the job and not by the candidate! We capitulate to people asking for a raise that puts them outside their pay range because we are scared to lose them. We cave to threats and end up on the losing end of negotiations, giving a squeaky wheel all the grease while dedicated and excellent team members continue to work hard and hope their efforts will be rewarded when the time is right. That’s not leadership, and it’s certainly not smart business. We get too busy to keep up with market trends. We see the insurance renewal numbers, we know how much the team-building activities cost, and we speak with other firms who don’t provide the work environment we do. We get jaded and think our people should be grateful and should know our grass is the greenest. We feel personally hurt when they ask for a raise or a salary review. This “pay by default and feeling” strategy is hurting our businesses and creating pay disparities. There is a better way.

How to conduct a pay audit

Instead of operating on one-sided negotiations, past pay, feelings, and possibly deep-seated unintentional bias, conduct a pay audit of your organization. This is a crucial step in creating pay equity. A pay audit involves analyzing your organization’s pay practices to identify any discrepancies and ensure all employees are being paid fairly for their work. Here are some steps to follow when conducting a pay audit:

Gather relevant data and do your leg work:

First things first – do you have job descriptions in place for all your team members? This is a fundamental first step in identifying which jobs require similar skills and tasks. We can’t create pay ranges for positions if we don’t know the work those positions entail! Create a spreadsheet that lists every job title in the organization with the relevant fundamental tasks, required educational level, required certifications, and other critical details. Slot those positions in order from entry-level jobs to high-level management positions. Consider factors like experience, education, and training as you rank the positions. Inevitably, there will be some judgment calls as you map out these positions. This step is both art and science, and that’s okay.

Create pay ranges:

You’ll want to review the current pay for those positions as well as review market data to determine if your current pay falls below, at, or above market for your area. You can work with an HR consultant to conduct a market analysis, pay for reports that list out market rates, and do some digging online (knowing that all sites are not created equal when it comes to reporting salaries.) Typically, entry-level jobs have a narrower pay range, and high-level management positions have wider pay ranges. You also have a decision to make. Maybe you want your firm to lead the market, paying a higher rate than other firms to attract top talent. Maybe your aim is to pay right at market rate, or perhaps you want to lag the market and pay below market rate, knowing that some other aspect of your firm (like culture, training, prestige, or other benefits) will still attract top talent. Whatever your decision, be consistent across the board and add your pay ranges to your spreadsheet, keeping your payroll budget in mind throughout this process.

Identify pay gaps:

Once you’ve done your analysis, it’s time to look at your current team and analyze their pay. Identify any disparities in pay between male and female employees, as well as other demographic groups. You may be surprised by what you find here if you haven’t taken the time to look at this with a lens of pay equity in mind. I’ve been in this position and was appalled to discover that the only male in a fundamental position at an organization I led was paid significantly higher than his other five female counterparts, doing the exact same job for the same length of time, with equal education. How had this happened on my watch? It needed correction immediately.

Address any disparities:

This is the most crucial step. If pay gaps are identified, take steps to address them, such as adjusting salaries or re-evaluating job descriptions. This is called right-sizing. It can feel painful, but it’s absolutely necessary. It can also result in team member buy-in and increased retention. Imagine how an employee would feel if you PROACTIVELY approached them to let them know your analysis indicated that a pay raise was in order! Firms may balk at the budget needed to close the pay gap, but keep in mind that budget is not an acceptable defense to a discriminatory pay gap claim. Discuss solutions you can afford and create a plan with a timeline to institute those solutions. As a general rule, you should only raise salaries to right-size a pay gap, not lower the higher ones.

Monitor progress:

Conduct regular pay audits to ensure that any pay disparities are corrected and that your firm is aligned with the principle of pay equity. This is an ongoing process, as pay is a moving target.

This approach helps your organization have pay equity, and it also helps you have cogent conversations at review time. If your pay ranges are transparent and a team member is asking for a raise that puts them out of range, you have an objective rebuttal. When a star team member asks for a raise that places them out of range, it’s time to flip that conversation. Consider instead if there is a path for growth for them. What’s the next stepping stone that comes with a higher range? What steps could they take to put them in the running for that position? The answer doesn’t have to be a no. It can be a cogent conversation about growth.

Creating pay equity in our organizations is both a moral and business imperative. By committing to this principle, we can create a workplace where everyone is valued and treated fairly and which attracts and retains top talent. Pay equity isn’t just about compliance; it’s about doing what’s right and ensuring every single member of your team is on an equal playing field. We work in the legal industry, where you and your firm fight daily to ensure justice – Let’s commit to creating a more equal and just legal industry by prioritizing pay equity in our organizations.

Say It Like You Mean It: Powerful Communication Hacks for the Modern Professional

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take too much of your time. I just wanted to offer my opinions on the effects of using diminishing language. While I’m certainly no expert on the topic, I think words have a huge impact on business communication. I hope this makes sense!

Record scratch.
Incredulous stares.

I likely just lost more than half of the people who came to this blog expecting thought leadership, didn’t I? Let’s try that intro again:

You minimize your own worth at work when you resort to language that comes off as passive or weak. Full stop.

Have you ever paused in the midst of your workday, fingers hovering over the keyboard, wrestling with the right words to use in an email? Or perhaps you’ve sat in a meeting, insightful thoughts swirling in your mind, yet hesitating to voice them for fear of being perceived as too assertive or domineering? If so, you’re not alone. Particularly for women navigating the professional landscape, striking that delicate balance between asserting oneself and avoiding labels such as ‘bossy’ or ‘aggressive’ can often feel like tightrope walking.

In fact, this dance of diplomacy and self-expression has become such a common feature of our professional lives that it’s almost taken for granted. It’s seen as an intricate part of the corporate game, a skill to be mastered rather than a dilemma to be solved. And while there’s no denying the importance of tact and diplomacy, one has to wonder – at what point does this careful self-editing start to erode our authentic voice?

This constant self-monitoring is not just emotionally draining; it can also impact your career progression. When we continually shrink our words or dilute our delivery, we inadvertently project a lack of confidence, which can hamper our professional growth. So, if you’re tired of second-guessing every word and skirting around issues, it’s time for a change.

Here’s the good news: You don’t need a complete communication overhaul. Small, incremental changes can make a significant difference. In the following sections, we’ll explore practical tweaks you can implement today to strengthen your communication, reclaim your voice, and ultimately, propel your career forward. Let’s dive in!

Embrace the power of “No Apologies!”

It may seem unconventional, but consider this: What if you could expunge the phrase “I’m sorry” from your daily dialogue? This doesn’t imply that you absolve yourself from accountability when it’s called for. Instead, it’s about refraining from unnecessary apologies for situations that don’t warrant contrition. This is a principle I’ve adopted wholeheartedly in my professional interactions.

Rather than saying, “I’m sorry for the late response,” I’ve transitioned to expressing, “Thank you for your patience while I gathered the necessary information.” It’s a subtle shift, but one that transforms the narrative from apology to appreciation.

I often find people using, “I’m sorry” as a way to get into the conversation, further the discussion, or introduce an opposing viewpoint. It can feel like a polite way to get your voice in there, but the apology is unnecessary. If you’re at the table, you’re there for a reason. Shift your language from apologetic to confident by saying things like, “I’d love to offer a different perspective,” “I believe,” or “I’d like to add.” These phrases help you contribute your voice and perspective without sounding fearful of doing so.

Our intrinsic apologetic reflex often tries to surface in various situations. Picture this: you’re on a Zoom call and encounter technical difficulties with your audio or screen sharing function. Instead of defaulting to a profuse apology to fill an awkward pause, consider acknowledging the situation with a light-hearted remark like, “Ah, the joys of technology!” or, “Thanks for your patience while I troubleshoot this issue.” By adopting this approach, we not only preserve our self-confidence but also foster a more positive, assertive communication style. Moreover, it helps us ensure that when we do apologize, it carries weight and sincerity, rather than being a reflexive and devalued response.

Even when an apology is truly warranted, and you have done something wrong, “I’m sorry” doesn’t have to be the only default response. It’s gotten so watered down, it can feel insufficient. A stronger and more genuine apology is one that acknowledges your wrongdoing and communicates what will be done to resolve the issue. Something like, “I take full responsibility for that and appreciate the feedback. Here’s what I’m doing to address it…” communicates accountability and a desire to make it right. Asking, “What can I do to improve and ensure this does not happen again?” also allows you to take responsibility and show a desire for improvement.

In essence, it’s not about never saying, “I’m sorry.” Instead, it’s about understanding when an apology is truly warranted and when it’s simply a habitual response. So, let’s embark on this journey of unapologetic confidence together, one conversation at a time.

Remove the word, “just” from your vocabulary

“Hey, I just wanted to check in on that report…”

“I’m just a case manager.”

“I just feel like we could approach this in a more strategic way.”

Sound familiar? The word “just” sneaks into our professional language like a thief in the night, stealthily devaluing our statements before we even realize it. It’s the linguistic equivalent of tiptoeing around a topic, apologizing for taking up space, or downplaying your expertise.

Why are we sugarcoating our words with “just“? Are we afraid of coming off too strong, too assertive, too… competent? It’s high time we give “just” the boot. After all, you’re not “just” asking for a report; you’re doing your job. You’re not “just” sharing an idea; you’re contributing to the team. You’re not “just” a case manager; you’re making a difference in the lives of your clients.

So, let’s put a stop to this diminutive discourse. Banish “just” from your vocabulary and watch as your words take on a newfound power. The next time you catch yourself starting a sentence with “I just think…” stop, rewind, and rephrase. Because you don’t “just” think, you know.

Convey your worth with confidence

Now, let’s talk about a little something called self-worth. No, not the kind you find in self-help books or motivational podcasts, but the kind that shines through in every email you send, every presentation you deliver, and every meeting you lead.

How often do you find yourself downplaying your achievements, questioning your ideas, or second-guessing your decisions? If your answer is “too often,” then it’s time for some serious self-talk.

Start by acknowledging your worth. Recognize your expertise, your experience, and your unique perspective. Remember, you were hired for a reason. You bring something valuable to the table. So why hide it under a bushel of self-doubt?

Instead of saying, “I might be wrong, but…“, try “Based on my experience, I believe…“. Replace “I hope this makes sense” with “I look forward to your thoughts on my proposal.”

Too, think about your instinct to deflect compliments or underplay your achievements. How many times do you deflect a compliment by diminishing your involvement? When someone asks you what you do, are you able to own your own incredible journey and speak with pride about your accomplishments, or do you wiggle and squirm and downplay the incredible impact you had? I often see women struggle with confidently owning their achievements, opting instead for a passive approach. Did you deliver on a project, get a promotion, earn a degree, navigate a tough conversation, or help a client? Good for you! When someone compliments you on it, it’s entirely appropriate to say, “Thank you, I worked really hard for that.” When someone asks for your bio so they can introduce you, give them the undiminished version. When someone says, “Tell me a little about yourself,” have your elevator pitch about the amazing person who is you at the ready.

In other words, convey your worth with confidence. Speak with authority. Assert your ideas with conviction. And most importantly, believe in your capabilities. Because if you don’t, who will?

Language is power. Use it wisely.

It’s essential to understand the impact of your language in professional settings. The words you choose can either empower you or diminish your authority. Scrutinizing the language you use at work isn’t about being overly critical or feeding into the fear of sounding too assertive. It’s about asserting your expertise, dismissing unnecessary apologies, and eliminating passive language. When you make these shifts in your communication, not only do you provide a clearer image of your abilities, but you also contribute to a more respectful and effective work environment. It’s time to let go of the words that are holding you back and embrace language that reflects your capabilities and worth. Remember, you’re not ‘just’ anything – you’re a professional with valuable insights to share.

Disorder in the Court: Addressing Substance Addiction in the Legal Industry

It’s no secret that the legal industry is fast-paced, high-stakes, and rife with stress. The responsibility to obtain justice, represent clients fairly and accurately, meet a myriad of deadlines, and operate within a business model that can be volatile with cash flow has the possibility to create a true pressure-cooker environment, where attorneys and team members can be on edge more often than not. This isn’t just an anecdotal observation; it’s a real and measurable phenomenon that has resulted in disastrous consequences, including high rates of depression, substance use, and suicide.

In 2017, a National Task Force published a critical report called The Path to Lawyer Well-Being: Practical Recommendations for Positive Change. That report revealed staggering statistics about alcohol usage, stress levels, and mental health decline among lawyers.

Source: Institute For Well-Being In Law – (lawyerwellbeing.net)

The release of the report sparked a movement in the legal profession to both acknowledge and address well-being, and that movement is alive and well today, though the issues and concerns addressed in the report are still far from solved.

The rate of substance use in the profession is high, higher than in most industries. Why? Practicing law is the perfect storm of stress, competition, long hours, and often a culture of hard partying at events or as a “reward” for hard work, big settlements, or tough projects completed.

According to a survey by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration, 79.3% of people who binge drink are employed, and 68.9% of illicit drug users are employed. While many people are able to hide their drug and alcohol usage while in the workplace, that does not mean it doesn’t affect their performance and their overall quality of life. Like other mental health issues, substance use disorders can lead to an increased level of absenteeism, low morale, and job safety risks, not to mention the significant health impacts it presents to the individual.

It sounds pretty bleak, but that doesn’t mean we as an industry and as leaders cannot take steps to discuss, destigmatize, and help promote a healthier culture.

Here are some tips for addressing substance overuse:

1. Create a culture of safety.

This is good advice in general, but it’s especially important in discussions about recovery, sobriety, and substance use. Believe me, this one isn’t as easy as it sounds. Society in general celebrates alcohol usage as a coping mechanism more than you may think. In fact, once you start to notice it, it’s pretty staggering. I challenge you to find a television show or movie that doesn’t include at least one scene where binge drinking is normalized, funny, or presented without comment as the status quo. We tend to be so desensitized to it that it often goes unnoticed. If your firm can create a culture that welcomes and even embraces honest conversations about recovery and sobriety, you are removing the judgment and stigma that so often accompanies people in recovery. If your team members don’t feel the need to hide their recovery journey out of shame, that may open the door for others who may be struggling and don’t want to admit or address it. Just like with other efforts for inclusion, normalizing and supporting different journeys benefits your firm as a whole. Think too about your firm celebrations. Do you offer choices for sober team members, or is there an expectation that anyone not drinking isn’t “fun” or not part of the action? Are all your holiday parties or after-work events alcohol focused? You may have never considered the message being sent, so take a look at your culture and what it is rewarding and celebrating with an eye to mental health.

2. Offer education to your leadership team and your firm in general.

Wellness initiatives as a benefit may help to set your firm apart from the pack, which is sorely needed in today’s labor market. There are many ways to embark on these initiatives, and an easy one is to simply offer education. You may already have lunch and learn sessions for your team. Consider folding wellness into those lunch and learn topics. Offering education on substance overuse is another way to destigmatize and open the dialog. Addiction, overuse, and recovery are rife with judgment and shame, so ensure your educational resources address those people who may pass judgment on those on a recovery journey.

3. Offer resources to your team.

Your HR company may be able to help with this. Rather than simply terminating someone who is exhibiting an issue or who comes forward to share a struggle, offer resources to support them in recovery. If you don’t work with an HR company or don’t know where to start, there is a helpline offered by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. It is free, confidential, and open 24/7 for anyone struggling with mental and/or substance use disorders.

4. Celebrate!

Another way to reduce stigma, boost morale, support the entire team, and promote inclusion is to celebrate recovery the way you would any important life milestone. If your team members are comfortable, join them in celebrating their sobriety anniversary or other important mile marker in their journey. Make these milestones something we, as a society, say out loud and proudly. It’s a big deal and a huge accomplishment. Make sure your team members feel that.

5. Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier ones.

Instead of suggesting that a team member under a lot of stress “go get a drink”, offer healthier alternatives for stress reduction, like meditation, proper sleep, exercise, reading, healthy foods, or getting together with supportive friends or teammates. It’s possible to normalize healthy behaviors instead of unhealthy ones.

That National Task Force on Lawyer Wellbeing report included five central themes:

  • Reduce toxicity in the profession
  • Eliminate the stigma of needing and seeking help
  • Emphasize that well-being is a part of the lawyer’s duty of competence
  • Educate lawyers, judges, and law students about well-being
  • Make incremental steps to change how law is practiced, and lawyers are regulated to instill greater well-being.

As a firm, you can embrace many of these tenets by being the light in a sea of stress and unhealthy salves. Promoting a firm culture that celebrates well-being and acknowledges the darkness that can come with constant stress, competition, and high-stakes work, leaves room for your team to live and work safely. Though the legal profession presents many inherent challenges and heavy stressors, we can navigate that landscape more skillfully and avoid unhealthy and harmful outlets. Be a catalyst for change and help move our industry forward.

Something’s in the Water: Combatting the Element of Anticipation

Recently, I read a long article about the movie Jaws. What has come to be known as a genre-defining film had a production absolutely plagued with issues, including a malfunctioning mechanical shark. In a move that is rife with logistical lessons, the shark had only been tested in fresh water and had mechanical problems when introduced to the significantly more corrosive saltwater ocean filming location. In addition to scripting delays, infighting among the cast, a literal sinking ship, and other issues, some of the scenes had to be completely reimagined now that the shark was deemed mechanically unreliable. Because of that poor planning and lack of testing, the eventual audience got those iconic anticipation scenes. You likely know them well: dramatic camera shots of starkly lit, dangling human legs, legendary music, chaotic splashing, and a lone severed limb floating to the bottom of the ocean. In fact, the shark doesn’t make its onscreen appearance until more than a full hour into the film! You may also be shocked to know that the total screen time for the shark is fewer than five minutes. How can something we likely all remember as so terrifying show up so late and for such a short amount of time? This is an excellent lesson that the anticipation of something scary is WAY WORSE than the confrontation of that scary thing. I’ll say it again for the people in the back: anticipation is much scarier than confrontation.

What can a malfunctioning mechanical shark teach us about leadership? It turns out quite a bit.

Confront the scary thing.

What is it on your to-do list that keeps getting pushed because it’s too big or too frightening to tackle? Is it a difficult conversation with someone on your team? A stretch assignment? A termination that is long overdue? An honest conversation with a service provider about sub-par performance? While none of those things are necessarily fun to tackle, the longer you put them off and build up the anticipation, the worse the task (and you) will feel. I don’t think I’m alone in experiencing stress and anxiety before doing something that makes me uncomfortable. I can create some pretty fantastical scenarios in my mind of all the things that COULD go horribly and embarrassingly wrong. In reality, it’s incredibly rare for any of those things to actually happen. All I’ve done in creating those scenarios is manufacture unnecessary stress, lose sleep, and allow a situation to potentially get further out of control. I’ve let the fear of the metaphorical shark stop me from even having the chance to get a bigger boat! It’s falling victim to scary anticipation instead of seizing control. How can we peek out from between our fingers and just do the dang thing? Here are some tips for overcoming the fear anticipation creates:

1. Reframe your thoughts on confrontation:

Confrontation is not an inherently bad thing. In fact, it’s an entirely necessary and often healthy part of mature relationships. Can you imagine if you never confronted your children when they misbehaved or addressed their unacceptable behavior? Scary, right? So, why do we think it would be easier to tiptoe around a conversation with a co-worker or a leader at the firm, hoping problems will just go away? We’re conditioned to think of confrontation as bad. I encourage you to consider the alternative: A bad situation stays bad. You live in anxiety or fear for too long. The toxic environment intensifies. Trust me: confrontation isn’t the enemy. Oftentimes, it’s the solution.

2. Keep calm and carry on:

It’s really tempting to be a jerk or expect someone else to be a jerk when it comes to confrontation, and that may be what makes it so scary. We think of confrontation as yelling and fighting. It doesn’t have to be that way! Not all confrontation is a sharp-toothed malfunctioning shark flopping onto the deck of the boat. Practice having a tough conversation while keeping your voice soft and calm. It truly is possible to deliver a tough message in a compassionate, respectful, and objective fashion. Often, I hear young or inexperienced leaders struggle to hold their team accountable or have an honest conversation. My best advice is to keep the conversation objective. If someone isn’t hitting their KPIs, is showing up consistently late, or isn’t delivering quality work, that is a fact. Facts should not be tough to communicate. When you lead with the problem, keep it specific to that problem, and don’t create an all-out attack on character, the message becomes not only easier to deliver, but also easier to swallow. Practice this phrase, “What would you do if you were me?” when having tough conversations. It opens the door for the other person to acknowledge that you’re not attacking them and gives them the chance to think things through from another perspective.

3. Eat that frog:

You’ve probably heard the expression, “eat the frog.” It means that the wise move is to tackle the toughest or least appealing item on your to-do list first. If you have to eat a frog or go face-to-face with a killer shark, you might as well get it over with as quickly as possible, right? The same goes for the thing on your to-do list that is looming over your day. I’ve absolutely fallen victim to ticking every single easy box on my list, even creating tasks that weren’t originally on there just to avoid taking a bite of that pesky frog. Suddenly, my desk needs rearranging, the dishes need attention…does the dog need to go out? It’s tempting to do absolutely anything to avoid THAT thing. When you find yourself re-categorizing your emails just to avoid that frog on your list, it’s time to take a bite. I guarantee you the anticipation of the thing is scarier than the actual thing, and you’ll feel a huge weight lifted by tackling the beast.

4. Take it one issue at a time:

When you think of going face-to-face with the shark, you might be tempted to throw absolutely everything in the boat at it all at once. If you’re going to have a tough conversation, you might as well get it all out at one time, right? Wrong. Instead, consider a more targeted approach. Confrontation works best one issue at a time. Give each item or conversation the time and attention it truly deserves, and resist the urge to unleash every problem at once. Think of it this way, if you have to have a tough conversation with your spouse, you don’t want to bring up every other tough conversation and slight annoyance. That takes focus from your main issue and creates unnecessary strife.

Jaws gives us plenty of lessons on business and leadership. (Don’t even get me started on proper preparation and planning. Why was the mechanical shark never tested in salt water?) The biggest lesson we can take away from that legendary movie is this: anticipation is downright terrifying. Our mind creates a bigger shark, a smaller boat, and a bloodier scene. So, hear the scary music (DA DUH, DA DUH…) and confront the thing. Schedule the conversation. Tackle the project. Feel the fear and push through it anyway. It’s only in the movies that the shark seeks revenge in the sequel.

The Anti-Athlete: Lessons I Learned from Not Playing Sports

A few weeks ago, my teammate, friend, and Vista Focus Specialist Caroline Younger authored a blog on the lessons she learned from playing sports that have translated to her career and leadership style. Read about her journey with sports and success by clicking here. As I read through Caroline’s stellar athletic accomplishments and applicable lessons, I had flashbacks to my youth in sports: a gangly and awkward running style, impressive LACK of coordination, and regular gym class panic attacks. I was taken back to silently praying not to be picked last as popular captains chose teams for in-school games, my heart racing as more and more of my classmates’ names were called.

These days, as a parent of an athletically skilled child (maybe it skips a generation?), organized sports can still leave a bad taste in my mouth. I routinely observe shockingly bad behavior on the sidelines, mostly from parents! I’m often surprised by the lack of respect and lack of sportsmanship that runs rampant in organized youth athletics. From shouting out opposing players’ names to screaming at refs (who mostly don’t deserve it!), my mouth is agape as I witness sideline adult behavior.

I realized that while Caroline and I have tremendous respect for each other and work quite well together, our experiences and backgrounds shaped us in very different ways. She has embraced the experiences and lessons sports taught her, and I have embraced the experiences and lessons an adversity to sports has taught me. There are important leadership lessons to be gleaned from both experiences.

This is what I learned about leadership from NOT playing sports:

A good leader knows how to inspire and motivate their team:

You may have heard the adage that some people need a kick in the butt and some a pat on the butt? It’s true in sports and in leadership. Had someone taken time to make me feel safe and supported to try something new in the sports arena, maybe what 23&Me has identified as my “elite athlete gene” (haha) would have come to fruition? Let’s face it, each of us has different strengths. It’s absolutely vital to put kids, and team members, in the place of most potential. Your introverted database developer will not succeed in a high-profile sales role and vice versa. And you know what? That’s okay! Both roles have merit and necessity. I discovered an uncanny ability to successfully play beer pong and horseshoes in college. Turns out my aim, concentration, and competitive spirit can really come alive under the right set of circumstances!

Promoting the wrong people can be damaging:

Promoting the wrong team members into leadership positions can have far-reaching effects. It can breed a lack of trust if your team sees leadership get something so vital so wrong. The wrong leaders may have a disastrous effect on productivity and can even cause unnecessary and costly turnover. Just like those captains choosing teams in elementary school, chosen for their perceived prowess on the field and not for their humility or ability to work with others, the wrong leaders cause others to shrink down, not thrive.

I think it’s important for leaders to recognize the potential in those around them, whether they are experienced or new professionals, and foster their growth through guidance and opportunity. As leaders, we should strive to create an environment where everyone can thrive – not just the most experienced or educated. Compassion and understanding will help create an environment that encourages everyone to grow, learn, and reach their full potential.

This is something I continue to strive for as a leader in my current role. By creating an atmosphere of support, recognition, and opportunity, leaders can build strong relationships with those around them, develop trust between team members, and foster an environment of growth. We can then use this to create a culture of excellence that will benefit everyone in the long run. This is something I am passionate about and believe in strongly.

Address the behavior, not the person:

As a parent on the sidelines, I believe my only role is one of support and positivity. I’m not the coach, I am responsible for parenting only one child on that field, and I don’t believe that during the game is the time to criticize or negatively comment about a mistake or an opportunity for improvement. Yet, I routinely witness other parents yelling instructions from the sideline or criticizing their own child and sometimes, even worse, someone else’s child. I’ve heard, “you don’t even know what passing the ball means!” more times than I’d care to admit sitting on the sidelines at a 12-year-old’s soccer game. Folks, this isn’t the way! If you’re leading by criticizing a person, I can almost guarantee that is not an effective way to address issues or correct undesirable behavior. And, it certainly won’t work if you’re doing it when you’re not even in a leadership position or a position of trust. When one of your team members is having a performance issue, the first step should be to address the behavior. Instead of accusing that person of being lazy and not wanting to work, ask about the troubling behavior. Saying, “I’ve noticed that for two weeks in a row, you’ve missed your client contact targets. What’s going on?” opens the door for a conversation and not a lashing. It addresses the problematic behavior and not the person themselves.

It’s not always about more playing time:

On my son’s soccer league, we recently went through a bit of drama where some parents were annoyed by the coach’s call to put in less skilled players when the game was no longer close. Their team is good. In fact, they are undefeated this season so far. Some of the games had our team up pretty significantly, so the coaches used that opportunity to give some of the newer or shier players a chance to be on the field and maybe score a goal. What I saw as a fantastic opportunity to develop another player’s skill and confidence, some parents saw as an annoyance that their star athlete got less playing time on the field. Yes, in business, of course we want success and to make decisions that further the business. As leaders, we also know that our team needs time to develop. It can be an effective leadership strategy to give a stretch assignment to one of your team members and allow them to rise to the occasion. Plucking them from the proverbial bench into playing time can be the motivation they need to succeed. Maybe playing time, as it translates to your firm, means time in court, maybe it means taking the lead on a project. At Vista, playing time can be speaking at a conference or during a webinar. Playing time during the game, though, is only the end result of getting a lot of fundamental things right. Mixing up who is on the field can yield surprising results and draw out the talent of someone you may not have noticed as much before.

The little things ARE the big things:

A word of encouragement from a gym teacher or coach, parents showing up on the sidelines to truly cheer on the team, a player helping another player up after an injury or a defeat…all these things matter. They show your team that regardless of a trophy at the end of the season, they are part of something bigger, something where all roles have merit. The kid on the sidelines who cheers the loudest and high-fives everyone coming off the field plays an important role. They are the current and future culture-builder! Getting the small things right means that when things get big, your team is ready.

Leadership isn’t just about the high-end, big picture. Leadership starts with small details, like making sure everyone knows their assignment and holding them accountable for executing it. Leadership is understanding that you are part of something bigger than yourself. Whether you learned your skills on the field or off it, you can be poised for success. To all my fellow leaders out there who get through a run looking wild and uncoordinated or who think, “run? Why run?”, I promise your experience with athletics and really anything else in life that has the power to shape you from a young age, gives you lessons on leadership if you take the time to listen.

Fluent in Failure: Embracing the Power of Mistakes

In our working lives, just like in our personal lives, each of us experiences failures, setbacks, and tough breaks. Not every new idea pans out the way we hoped. Maybe you experienced unhealthy conflict with a coworker, or an enticing project got assigned to someone else despite your seemingly perfect skill set. Maybe you didn’t hit your targets for this month, or intakes for the quarter were slightly down. Whatever the professional “miss,” it’s really easy to get mired in frustration and react poorly by shifting blame or by simply beating yourself up.

There’s a whole body of research that suggests a better way. Blaming others or circumstances, which may temporarily feel soothing, impedes learning. Self-deprecation, a normal human response to setbacks, leads to an inaccurate view of personal potential and works to inhibit growth and development. What if, instead of just REACTING, you could use professional setbacks as a springboard to learning, growth, and professional development? You can accomplish this through the act of self-compassion. Like any new skill or exercise, it will likely take some practice for you to be able to flex the self-compassion muscle. But what a valuable muscle it is!

What is self-compassion?

You know that voice and tone you use when a friend or family member suffers a professional blow or makes a mistake? It’s likely kind, forgiving, encouraging, and supportive. It takes into account that this person is someone you love, respect, and know to be intelligent and capable. It acknowledges that we are so much more than our mistakes or missteps. It doesn’t judge or berate. What if we could use that same voice to speak to ourselves? What if we could look within and realize that we too are someone to be loved and respected because we are intelligent and capable? What if we recognized, in our own mind and heart, that we are much more than the sum of our mistakes? In fact, what if we could use those mistakes and setbacks as a springboard to future success? If we can intentionally speak to ourselves with a voice of self-compassion, the same compassion we have for others, we can spark a transformative growth journey!

More than ooey, gooey feel-goodness

Self-compassion sounds great, doesn’t it? I know, though, that there are likely business owners reading this and thinking it sounds too hippy-dippy for them and not like the most effective way to run a business. Those people may be thinking, “what about accountability?” As you know, Vista believes strongly in holding team members accountable, in setting expectations and in striving for intentional goals. Accountability and self-compassion are NOT mutually exclusive. Self-compassion does not require ignoring mistakes or not acknowledging failures. Rather, it allows for a mindset shift in understanding that failures WILL happen and that it’s not the end of the world when they do. In fact, it represents an opportunity for growth. Too, compassion opens the door for conversation about what happened this time and how it can go better the next time.

A growing body of research indicates that organizations that promote compassion enjoy not only a happier work environment but an improved bottom line! Compassionate employees are consistently more willing to help coworkers and clients. They build stronger relationships, boost productivity across the organization, promote healthy social connections, and report higher levels of job engagement.

Growth mindset

How can you promote a culture of self-compassion and enjoy the benefits at your organization? It starts from within. Practicing self-compassion means:

  • Being kind rather than judgmental about failures and mistakes.
  • Recognizing that failures and mistakes are universal. They are a shared experience from which not a single one of us is immune.
  • When mistakes and failures happen, practicing balance. It’s okay to feel bad or be unhappy, but don’t live in that space. Acknowledge it and go to your second thought – what did this teach me? How can I approach this better next time? How can I be more prepared and educated? How can I make this work?

A growth mindset starts with self-compassion. Without self-compassion, it’s easy to become defeated and to believe that your abilities are “fixed”…that you will never be capable of more than you are today. Being in a fixed mindset is dangerous and limiting. It causes people to feel stuck and not strive for more. Those who are able to acknowledge mistakes and use them as a learning opportunity are motivated to continue to improve. They are more likely to try a different tact. In other words, self-compassion is the building block for self-improvement. It is the spark for working harder, doing better, and believing improvement is a possibility.

2,4,6,8…How can our team innovate?

Look at how much the legal industry has changed just over the last 10 years! In a fast-moving and technologically forward world, innovation is vital. Just as a growth mindset is fostered with self-compassion, innovation thrives in a compassionate environment. Team members who feel comfortable throwing out ideas, trying a new approach, or tackling a difficult assignment are those who help the business grow and innovate. We often learn what works by experiencing a series of things that don’t work. Allowing space for those experiments is critical to your business! Cultivating a culture of compassion and encouraging your team to acknowledge mistakes and failures without wallowing in them helps your business grow. It helps your team engage and connect with coworkers and clients. It truly is a win-win!

Practicing self-compassion (and it is a practice – as with any other self-improvement exercise, flexing the muscle often makes it stronger) leads to compassion for others. Treating yourself with kindness paves the way for treating others with compassion and reserving judgment. When firm leaders believe that change and improvement are possible, that trickles down to the team as well. It allows leaders to give constructive feedback and encourage their teams to be growth-minded.

What next?

For those reading this blog who are leaders in your organization and want to work at creating and fostering a culture of compassion, start first with yourself. If you find it difficult not to beat yourself up over setbacks, try a few self-compassion exercises. When something tough happens, write a letter to yourself as if you are writing to a friend who has had the same setback. Use language that is encouraging and understanding. Read it back to yourself. Use it to forgive and move on. Try looking for the lesson. What did this setback teach you about yourself or the project? Do you need more time to prepare next time? Do you need a different approach? Once you look within, use those same skills with your team. Accountability discussions can include an aspect of compassion. Encourage your team to practice self-compassion skills as well.

Once you make self-compassion a practice and integrate it into your business, you’ll start to see strong shifts in your overall culture. These shifts represent the power that self-compassion holds. Your organization will become a more empowering, healthy, and inspiring place to work. Your team will begin to reach deeper and achieve heights you may have never imagined. For a simple practice, that’s impressive stuff.

Bridging Generational Divides: Implementing a Reverse Mentorship Program at Your Firm

In last week’s blog, Turning the Tables, we explored the concept and inherent power to be found in the intentional practice of reverse mentorship, which connects younger team members with senior team members and encourages the sharing of generational experiences and understanding. Reverse mentorship programs offer organizations the opportunity to gain insight and new perspectives simply by viewing every team member as a valuable resource and a critical part of the larger vision and mission of the business. Companies that have instituted thoughtful reverse mentorship programs have seen gains in creativity, productivity, problem-solving, and morale.

As with all things organizational, the process of implementing a reverse mentorship program must be done carefully and thoughtfully. While organic generational experience sharing can absolutely happen, if you want to see meaningful and impactful byproducts of this practice, you can’t just sit back and hope it happens. In this week’s blog, we’ll show you how to implement a successful reverse mentorship program at your law firm.

The steps to success

Connecting your generationally diverse team through a reverse mentorship program will allow you to unlock hidden potential, uncover better communication, and introduce powerful new allies. The practice allows your whole team to fully utilize the individual experiences and knowledge each team member possesses.

The process of setting up a reverse mentorship program is similar to the process for other mentorship and coaching programs. Here are the steps you should take in order to implement a productive reverse mentorship program at your firm:

What’s the point:

Before you begin pairing off team members, first take the time to define the ultimate goals of the program and the results you’d like to achieve. Make sure your program starts out with focus. Ask yourself questions like:

  1. What problems do generational differences present at your firm?
  2. How generationally diverse is your firm?
  3. What do you hope to accomplish with a reverse mentoring program?
  4. What achievements will denote success with the program?
  5. What impact do you want the program to have?

Find your leader:

Every program at your organization should have a leader or champion who is responsible, at least in part, for developing, implementing, monitoring, championing, and providing reports to your firm’s leadership team. This reverse mentorship program leader can take responsibility for the program and help to ensure it is well-received and functioning as you intended. They can identify any issues and address them quickly and effectively.

Flesh it out:

You have the skeleton in place, now you need to add some meat! After you’ve identified the point of your firm’s reverse mentoring program, you need to start filling in the details. Define and document the program and review it with all stakeholders (program champion and leadership team) before you roll it out. Take time to think through the various elements like:

  1. Which team members will participate in the program?
  2. How will they opt in to the program?
  3. Will this be invite-only, or are all interested team members invited to participate?
  4. How will you match mentors with mentees?
  5. Will you call them mentors and mentees or develop other language specific to your firm that indicates a deep relationship?
  6. Will you have a defined length of time for the mentorship?
  7. What expectations do you have of the participants in the program?
  8. How will you track the progress of the program?
  9. What are the metrics you’ll use to measure success and monitor progress?
  10. How will you know when you’ve reached a program goal?

Spread the word and create your participant pool:

After you’ve put in the time to define and document your program, your reverse mentoring program leader should start the recruiting process. You could initiate this with a survey sent to team members (either all team members or those you have decided to invite). Garner intel from them regarding common struggles, pain points, and knowledge they’re hungry for. That insight can help you both further mold the program and create your announcement style. You could have a formal announcement via email, a team meeting, or a section in your team newsletter (how you announce will likely depend on who the program is open to at your firm). Attracting participants is critical because, ideally, you want a deep and diverse pool from which to pair mentors and mentees. You want to be clear about the expectations of the participants. Ensure mentors understand that they will be expected to share their personal experiences, knowledge, and insights with their assigned mentees. Likewise, and maybe more importantly, ensure your mentees understand that they are involved in a bidirectional relationship that requires a willingness to learn. All participants should approach the relationship with respect, a good attitude, and an open mind. All parties need to understand that some of the sharing may involve criticism or insight into how they and the firm are seen by other team members. You can create excitement and enthusiasm around the program by highlighting the benefits in your announcement. Think about what’s in it for them. Some organizations even extend incentives and perks to team members who sign up for the program.

Start matchmaking:

When mentorship programs fail, it’s most commonly due to poor pairing of mentors and mentees. Spend time on this step! Look for team members who may have common interests, personality types, and/or communication styles. They need some way in which they can connect and begin to build a relationship that’s open, vulnerable, and candid.

Launch the program:

Once you’ve paired up mentors with mentees, it’s time to kick things off! First, you want to make sure you’ve provided ample guidance to each participant and mentor/mentee pairing. Make sure they understand their role, the goals of the relationship, and provide them with a place to go if they encounter any issues or problems. This act of nurturing both the program as a whole and each pairing will be critical for success. Then, have some fun with the launch. Consider a launch party or event that will get members excited and set the stage for a successful program. These larger events that include all the members of the program can be helpful to bring everyone together to share ideas and “a-ha” moments they’ve gained in their respective pairings and keep the momentum going for the program.

Don’t forget your KPIs:

We wouldn’t be Vista if we didn’t remind you to measure your success! Throughout the program, your champion will receive feedback, gain insight, and identify wins and losses based on the initial goals you identified. Digest that information and, if appropriate, take action. Track your progress and identify areas of organizational improvement and impact. Is it working? What areas have seen the biggest improvements? Are there any deficiencies? This program is a living, breathing thing and should evolve and adapt along with your organization.

I believe strongly in the benefits of mentorship in general, and I have seen reverse mentorship in action. All successful mentorship programs are launched with the understanding that though there is a named mentor and mentee, the communication is bidirectional. It’s incredible to see the professional relationships that can develop as team members learn from and about each other, especially when those team members have different backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. I began my career in a mentorship that spanned a 60+ year age difference!

The beauty of that relationship was that as I learned from my mentor, I believe he learned from me as well. One of the bedrock principles my mentor shared with me was the importance of having friends in every generation. He golfed weekly with a group that spanned a large age range. He believed the insight into younger generations helped his business and his communication, and he was open to understanding those perspectives without being dismissive. In fact, he became a pioneer in digital advertising in the early 2000s by listening to the perspectives of his younger team members and allowing them to take a chance on something new. He also built a culture of teamwork, success, and candor.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that this kind of program is best embarked upon once you’ve got some cultural foundations down and feel well tapped into what makes your unique team tick, but by following the steps outlined above, you can absolutely improve your organization through a reverse mentorship program. Happy learning and growing!

Turning the Tables: Part 1

In my work with firms across the country, I try to identify commonalities in frustrations and complaints I hear from firm leaders. Without question, one of the most frequent pain points I hear firm leaders share is difficulty working with and understanding younger generations. The bemoaning of millennials and zoomers is so common amongst law firm leaders, in fact, I think it’s time we address the issue head-on and, perhaps, reframe our thinking on the topic.

Now, more than ever before, we are witnessing more generationally diverse workplaces. Gone are the days of single-age group organizations. These more diverse workplaces present both opportunities and challenges. As much as you may loathe the idea of what millennials and zoomers embody, you also probably understand that you can’t sustain your firm in the long term by only continuing to employ team members who belong to older generations.

As the Great Resignation continues, it’s important to note that a generational disconnect can be incredibly detrimental to a business. Too many firm leaders believe their perceptions about an entire generation are true, and they allow those perceptions to impact firm culture. I’ve also witnessed very clear cultural tears and rifts, along with low morale and high employee turnover. Generational disconnect is common in businesses, and if you give it the power to poison your well, it will.

In this two-part blog series, we’ll explore the concept of reverse mentorship, examine why it’s important, and, next week, show you how to implement a reverse mentorship program at your law firm.

Defining reverse mentorship

Reverse mentoring is an intentional approach to better understand team members who are from different generations. The aim here is to allow the junior team member to serve as a mentor to someone more senior than them. The goal is to encourage the junior team member to share their experience, expertise, and perspective openly. This may include topics like social media, technology, trends, current social issues, or general life experiences.

The senior team member will be able to glean, through the relationship and conversations, insight into another generation. That insight can include critical information, like how their age group vets vendors, which could ultimately benefit the organization as a whole. Reverse mentorship can be hugely beneficial and allow an organization to develop talent, hire better, onboard more effectively, and connect people of different backgrounds and ages in a meaningful and powerful way.

The trick here is that you can’t simply expect that reverse mentorship will happen organically. You have to be intentional about it, in the same way you’re intentional about other coaching and mentorship opportunities at your firm (check out our previous blog on this topic – Retention through Connection: Using Mentorship to Strengthen Your Firm). Instituting a reverse mentorship program at your firm is a great way to encourage innovation and collaboration. When you put a program like this in place, you send a very clear message to your team – that their voice matters, their experience is important, and that they have great value to your organization. And the payoff for firm leaders is often HUGE! Reverse mentorship programs not only generate a constant transfer of business knowledge and skills between team members, but they also provide a hotbed of ideas, perspectives, transformation, and evolution.

What are the benefits of reverse mentoring?

When people of different ages and from different backgrounds come together in a meaningful way, the natural knowledge sharing between the two can generate powerful benefits for your organization. Consider these payoffs:

An increased utilization of technology: Younger employees are more likely to become early adopters of new technologies and platforms. When reverse mentoring is taking place, these younger team members can help enormously during new tech vetting processes, transitions to new systems, and continuing education for existing systems. When harnessed correctly, their enthusiasm and adeptness for technology can make your entire organization more digitally savvy, putting you on the cutting edge of industry innovation and avoiding costly missed opportunities and new tech implementation missteps.

A better understanding of how to market to them: Younger generations speak a different language, use different mediums to connect, and view information in ways that are different from older generations. Outdated marketing approaches simply won’t connect. For organizations that market to wider audiences that may include younger generations, it’s vital to understand how to connect with them. Creating a reverse mentorship program will allow senior leaders to gain insight into marketing tactics and strategies that will engage with and capture younger audiences.

Stronger insight into how organizational policies are interpreted: Younger professionals can give feedback on how a business’ HR policies and procedures affect team members, providing a view into intended and unintended consequences. As workplace demographics change, it is important to revisit policies to ensure relevancy and efficacy and identify opportunities for growth and improvement. Younger generations tend to have different working styles and expectations than older generations. That difference carries with it challenges. When reverse mentoring is used, however, firm leaders can appreciate a new and different perspective that will help guide and improve future decisions.

A more diverse and inclusive workplace: Younger generations don’t tend to be attracted to organizations that have not embraced diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives. That means if this is an area you’re ignoring, your likelihood of attracting top talent may diminish in the years to come. Younger employees, especially those in underrepresented groups, can provide critical feedback to firm leaders and help lead the conversations surrounding bias, diversity, and inclusion.

Better team building: When team members feel valued and included, they are much more likely to share ideas, provide insight, and discuss issues openly. This direct benefit of reverse mentorship can serve to make a team stronger and more deeply connected than ever before. A stronger team is a better firm and one that can only be created when generation gaps are closed.

Increased employee engagement and retention: Employee turnover is an organizational killer. It’s expensive and siphons vital firm resources. Reverse mentorship programs can help to increase employee retention. Younger generations are looking closely at their employer, and any negative perceptions can influence their decision about how long they stay with your firm.

An ability to train and empower your firm’s future leadership: Junior team members who participate in reverse mentoring will naturally gain leadership skills, confidence, and a broader understanding of the firm as a whole. This is critical for any person who one day may sit on your leadership team. Taking younger, less experienced talent and providing them with opportunities, visibility, voice, knowledge, and insight can have a wildly positive impact on your firm and its culture. Engaging younger generations earlier in their career will create better leaders for the future.

A more creative and innovative work environment: There are new ways to do things we’ve always done. Younger team members can provide fresh ideas and insight that can serve to reinvigorate an organization. Creating an environment that encourages open-mindedness, collaboration, and creativity can help to keep your firm as an industry frontrunner and trendsetter.

Reverse mentorship relationships can look different and serve a variety of purposes. Consider it a key tool in navigating biases, increasing engagement, and sharing experiential knowledge. Next week, we will share some tips for putting together an effective and powerful reverse mentorship program at your firm.

Well, This is Awkward: Using Candor So Conversations Count

One of the pillars required to be a good leader is your ability and willingness to have candid, compassionate conversations with your team members. Our instincts, however, may tell us otherwise. I’ve known leaders who would rather chew off their own arms than sit down with a team member to have a tough conversation. We dodge them, we delay them, and we hope the need for them will go away. Let me dispel that line of thinking: Important conversations need to be had, and ignoring them will never cure the problem. In fact, allowing situations that need addressing to stagnate and brew often leads to bigger, more explosive, more complicated problems. Those problems, in my experience, cause far more damage than if they had been addressed effectively and efficiently at the outset. More often than not, issues like uncomfortable situations, personality conflicts, and performance that’s less than stellar don’t simply find a way to resolve themselves on their own. It’s part of our job as a leader to share critical feedback and sometimes unpleasant information with our team. If we shirk that duty, we’re missing the mark.

I would be willing to bet that many leaders reading this blog would agree with me. They would also probably admit that this piece of their role is incredibly difficult and one they’d most like to avoid. In this week’s blog, though, I’ll challenge your perception of candid conversations and encourage you to embrace this responsibility and hone this skill.

Why we run

If candid conversations are so important, then why do so many leaders run from them? Easy. They can…sort of suck. We’ve all heard horror stories from other leaders about crucial conversations that went wrong. From tantrum-inducing talks to angry exchanges, the prospect of talking about a difficult topic is fraught with potential landmines. A lot of leaders relay a litany of fears like:

Not understanding why the team member is struggling in the first place.
Wanting to avoid the difficult personalities on their team.
Not believing they can change anything.
Knowing they have a team member who doesn’t accept criticism well.
Believing the conversation will become too emotional.
Not wanting to take the time to have the conversation.
Worry that this conversation will only address the tip of the iceberg.

Those fears can be paralytic and, when given the power, can stop you from having candid conversations. Don’t allow them to do so. Pushing past these fears is a vital part of a leader’s growth. There is a way to approach candid conversations that will provide you with both the needed preparation and the right mindset to effectively navigate the natural course any conversation takes. Let’s dig in.

The right approach

When we honor the role candid conversations play in our organization, we actually empower our team by garnering their trust, respecting their positions, and honoring their experiences. If you have a situation that necessitates a candid conversation with a team member, try utilizing these tips to help ensure the product is positive and desired.

Have more of them. That’s right. If you want to get better at having tough conversations, practice makes perfect (or as close to perfect as you can actually get in regards to human interactions). I know they’re uncomfortable. My advice? Force yourself to be uncomfortable more often. The more times we’re willing to engage in a candid conversation, the more we’ll learn. Magic rarely happens inside our comfort zones. In fact, I’ve even heard it said that success is measured by your willingness to have uncomfortable conversations.

Be clear about the purpose of your conversation before it begins. If you need to talk to a team member whose productivity has taken a sharp decline, take some time before the conversation begins to clearly identify the purpose of your conversation. Are you seeking information? Are you providing a warning? Are you providing additional training? Are you trying to motivate? Once you identify the purpose of the conversation, you’ll be better able to stay on track when it takes place.

Outline the conversation before you have it. Develop a loose agenda for the talk. Don’t feel tied to it, but use it to guide the conversation so that you don’t miss the important elements. This preparedness tip can really help young leaders learn to stay focused and on task during candid conversations. Remember, these conversations can easily get overly emotional and take weird turns. If you don’t set some parameters for yourself, you’ll find that you often leave these conversations wondering what you were actually able to convey to your audience.

Be open and be vulnerable. If you’re in a position of leadership and are having a conversation with a team member, I can assure you that they are feeling a myriad of emotions, including worry, discomfort, stress, anxiety, and concern. It’s important for you to honor their journey by being open as well. By being vulnerable, we show our team that there is strength in it. We show them that everyone, including leaders, struggle. That sends a powerful message. That also creates a safe space for your team and encourages candor and honesty. There is great power when your team feels comfortable talking to you.

It can be awkward. Let that happen. Yes, candid conversations can feel very awkward. That’s okay. Don’t run from that feeling and don’t allow a sense of awkwardness to redirect you away from important subject matters. Being uncomfortable during these conversations is normal and, I would argue, totally necessary. The more comfortable you can become with being uncomfortable, the more you’ll strengthen your leadership skills.

Don’t just dip a toe. Dive right in. Look, once you’ve made the decision to have a candid conversation and put in the prep work required, you can’t hesitate when the time comes. You really have to dive in and have the conversation. Dancing around what needs to be said doesn’t work. Nor does skirting the real issue. You know why you wanted to have the conversation, you know the purpose of the conversation, now you really just need to be willing to have it.

There are two at least two people involved in a conversation. Remember that. You’re sitting across from another human being, one who may have a completely different perspective from you. Their life experiences have shaped them in ways that may drastically differ from your own. Consider their perspective. Hear them out. Be understanding of the differences in opinion they may possess.

Assume the best of people. It’s entirely human for your mind to jump to the worst-case scenario when someone isn’t saying or doing what you expect. Fight that urge. Work and home life is so much more pleasant if the default assumption is that people are doing their best, trying their best, and have the best intentions. If we come from a place of good rather than assuming the worst, we can tame emotions and better understand someone’s position.

Never say never! You know how when you fight with your significant other, and they say, “You always….” or “you never…” and how that’s almost as bad as someone telling you to calm down? Yeah, don’t do that. When you make sweeping accusations and use hyperbolic language, tensions run high. You want to address behavior or issues as they stand, not create an always or never monster that becomes the focus of the conversation.

Don’t keep score. Candid conversations aren’t a zero sum game, and no one wins when your team feels you’re out for the “gotcha”! You can hear someone out, understand their position, and then calmly advocate your side of something. There is almost always some mutual ground where you are both right. Come back to this mutual ground if things get sideways.

The power of candor

Every meaningful relationship can benefit from candor. People truly connect when they leave all pretense and camouflage behind. Speaking openly, honestly, and directly with good intentions is a key leadership skill, one that must be practiced and perfected over time. Relationships improve when there is trust, care, and openness. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. I can promise you’ll find yourself a stronger, more impactful leader on the other side. Stretch that candid conversation muscle!

Who Do You Think You Are?!

In my career, I’ve enjoyed a fairly steady progression of achievement, growth, and leadership. I fancy myself to be a lifelong learner, hungry to attain new skills and hone the ones I have. I enjoy helping other leaders grow and develop, and I like to think I’m fairly intuitive when it comes to people’s emotions, motivators, and inherent coaching needs. Despite more than 20 years in the plaintiff personal injury law firm space, there are still moments when I doubt myself – when I feel myself being questioned or challenged and retreat to wondering if maybe I haven’t done enough. Maybe I am a phony who accidentally achieved this level of success, and my colleagues and clients will no doubt discover this in time?

There’s a name for that feeling: Imposter syndrome. It’s that nagging sense that maybe you’re a fraud…that belief you have fewer skills or less knowledge or experience than you need, regardless of an amazing track record. It’s not easy to just shed the feeling either, but it’s critical that you do. Living with a constant undercurrent of doubt leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

The term was coined in the 1970s by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in a research paper. They broke it down into three main areas:

  1. Believing that others have an exaggerated view of your abilities
  2. Fear of being exposed as a fraud
  3. The continuous tendency to downplay your achievements

People who suffer from imposter syndrome often feel like their success is the result of pure luck or being in the right place at the right time. They struggle to accept that their accomplishments and career trajectory were the result of hard work, education, dedication, and ability.

Imposter syndrome can rear its ugly head at pivotal career moments, like when accepting new responsibilities, getting a promotion, changing roles, or changing jobs. Those critical moments can turn from times of celebration and achievement to overwhelming feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, obsession, and guilt.

For women, in particular, there can be a debilitating focus/obsession on ensuring everything is perfect or working twice as hard just to prove you belong. A significant majority of women who have achieved high levels of professional success report also experiencing imposter syndrome. In fact, often, the higher they climb, the more crushing the feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness become.

How, then, can you combat the imposter syndrome beast?

Reframe Your Thinking

If you find yourself diminishing your own accomplishments, questioning whether you belong, or overworking to prove you deserve to be where your education and experience has rightfully gotten you, try to reframe your thinking.

Instead of “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m a fraud”, try “I don’t know what I’m doing, so I’ll make a plan to figure it out.” We all learn and grow, and there is so much beauty in admitting when acquiring a new skill or piece of knowledge would be helpful.

Instead of “self promotion,” try “self enthusiasm.” I love this one. It’s easy to deflect compliments or shy away from touting the things you’ve accomplished. I see people, particularly women, shy away from deserved praise. Instead of a simple, “thanks!,” we try to deflect, credit others, or pretend it wasn’t a huge deal to get that project across the finish line. Of course, give credit where credit is due. Acknowledge your incredible team. But don’t make yourself smaller. Be enthusiastic about your work and your achievements. Talk to yourself in the same voice you talk to other team members with when you help them celebrate accomplishments.

Instead of looking at setbacks as failures, try instead looking for the lessons. What did this experience teach you that is now a tool in your arsenal for next time? Be curious as to why something didn’t work. There are valuable lessons to be learned in examining the why with grace. It reminds me of the Edison quote, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Focus on the Moment

Be present in the present. I can’t stress enough how helpful it can be to slow down and take a deep breath. This allows you to control your emotional responses and focus on the question, task, or problem at hand. It’s also helpful in dealing with imposter syndrome thoughts.

If you focus on the now, it allows you to be pragmatic about the current moment and situation. It means you don’t make space for worrying about what could happen or what someone might say. You simply acknowledge the reality of the present moment. This can be helpful in squashing thoughts of being sub-par or worrying about what people might think.

Track Your Wins

If you’ve spent time around any Vista team member, you know we love our reports. A good scoreboard helps a firm to see if they are winning or losing and gives a quick snapshot of firm successes. Think of your own personal scoreboard and track your wins! When you see your own career scoreboard, it can help you be more objective about all the amazing things you have accomplished.

Look at all those projects you had a hand in completing! Look at that class you took or the degree you received! Look at that person you helped mentor and grow into their potential! Look at that crucial conversation you skillfully navigated! You’ve done so much right to get where you are. Celebrate that. For those who love a spreadsheet, create one that you keep open on your taskbar. Track the projects you complete and the tasks you did to get them accomplished. This becomes a running list of your achievements.

Surround Yourself with Sources of Affirmation

The legal industry is tough. It’s competitive, and many of you bear the heavy weight of seeking justice for injured victims, facing off against a goliath insurance industry, and being an ear for victims of traumatic incidents. You alone cannot shoulder the weight of an entire industry, but you can surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage you. Find a tribe who will help you move from negative self-talk to positive affirmation. In an ideal world, your colleagues would provide support, encouragement, and validation.

However, you may need to look outside your department, your team, your pod, or even your organization to find the affirmation you need. I’m incredibly fortunate that my Vista colleagues believe a rising tide raises all ships. We celebrate individual accomplishments and team wins regularly. If I’m ever feeling unsure or stuck, I can count on my colleagues to help me reframe my thinking, provide a connection, and cultivate positivity. If you don’t have that with your work team, seek it out among your professional network, friends, family, or affinity groups. Find a tribe that truly celebrates your accomplishments. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and push you to be the best version of yourself.

Be the Light

When you see others exhibiting signs of imposter syndrome, diminishing their accomplishments, working doggedly to prove their seat at the table is deserved or doubting whether they belong, take time to build them up. Within your own role and your own abilities, be the affirmation and light for others.

Those in leadership positions can work to mentor and support all team members. Allow your voice to be heard to create inclusive workspaces. If there is not already a mentor or role model who looks like you, BE that role model. Helping others feels good and allows you to focus on lifting others, which in turn lifts you.

For many women and people of color, finding a role model in this industry can be challenging. When you don’t see a multitude of people in positions of power who look like you, it can be hard to believe you’re as qualified as the leaders in the industry. Don’t let that current reality influence your thinking. It’s simple: Know that it is an industry problem, not a YOU problem. Change will come, and there are some things you can do to help move it along. You can shoulder the responsibility of acting as a mentor to younger colleagues, helping them navigate the industry by providing them with the experience and insight you’ve gained throughout your career. Mountains can be moved one rock at a time.

Make a Plan

One of the defining traits of leadership is lifelong learning. If there is a skill you’d like to hone or a task you’d like to learn, be strategic about seeking out that knowledge. Making a growth plan allows you to focus your energy on executing that plan rather than worrying about a lack of knowledge. Even the most successful among us have space to learn, grow, elevate, and change our minds or mindsets as we obtain more information and education. It’s a beautiful thing!

Diagnose Correctly

Make sure that the feeling you’re experiencing really is imposter syndrome and not simply a culture that is toxic, a workplace steeped in bias, or an organization that isn’t inclusive. It can be tough to admit, but the legal industry isn’t perfect. What may look and feel like imposter syndrome could actually be a response to an industry that is highly competitive, male-dominated, and not always known for nurturing, positive cultures.

While you can put in the work on yourself, you don’t need to bear the weight of fixing an industry alone. That’s a job for all of us to shoulder together, and Vista is a great place to start for leaders who want to help their team channel healthy self-doubt into positive motivation.

Imposter syndrome can exert power over you, making you feel small and turning natural lessons into what can feel like catastrophic failures. Practicing an open, positive, almost inquisitive approach can help to alleviate that tight grip and allow space for true change within yourself and your organization. It takes time and effort to retrain your brain, but it can happen. There is great power in embracing the simple idea that YOU EARNED YOUR SEAT AT THE TABLE.